I see it all the time. Someone gets incredibly excited to start an online community. They have a great idea, they’re passionate, and they can’t wait to bring people together. But a few months down the line, the excitement fizzles out, engagement drops, and the space feels empty.
Why does this happen so often?
At my company, ProveWorth, we’re all about building trust, and a huge part of that is understanding the deep psychology of what makes a community work. It’s not just about getting people in the door; it’s about creating an experience that matters. After auditing hundreds of online communities, my wife Nicole and I have seen what works and what absolutely doesn’t.
Most people skip the foundational work. I want to share a framework that will help you build a community that not only survives but actually thrives.
Table of Contents
3 Pillars of A Community
When a community fails, it’s almost always because one of these three pillars is weak or missing entirely.
Distribution
This is the most straightforward pillar, but don’t let that fool you into thinking it’s easy. Distribution is your answer to the fundamental question: how are people going to discover your community exists?
Most founders get this backwards. They build first, then scramble to find people. Instead, you need a clear plan from day one. This might include social media strategy, email marketing, partnerships with complementary businesses, or leveraging your existing network. The key is being intentional about it.
But here’s the thing, distribution without the other pillars is just marketing an empty promise. You can drive all the traffic in the world, but if people don’t find value when they arrive, they’ll leave just as quickly as they came.
Transformation
This is the most crucial part, yet it’s where most communities completely miss the mark. What will people get from being in your community? What change or transformation will they experience?
If someone joins your community and nothing changes for them, they don’t learn a new skill, they don’t solve a problem, they don’t feel more connected, they don’t gain insights they couldn’t get elsewhere, they have absolutely no reason to stay.
Transformation isn’t just about the content you create. It’s about the conversations that happen, the connections people make, the problems they solve together, and the growth they experience. Your community needs to be a catalyst for change in people’s lives, not just another place to consume information.
The most successful communities we’ve audited have crystal-clear transformation promises. They know exactly what their members’ lives will look like after being part of the community, and every piece of content, every event, every interaction is designed to move people toward that transformation.
Retention
This is where most communities die a slow death. They might get the first two pillars right, but then what? Is your community just a one-time project, like a course they finish and leave? Or is it a living, breathing space where they have compelling reasons to stay engaged?
Retention is about creating ongoing value and real connections that make people want to stick around. This means understanding the difference between finite and infinite value. A course has finite value. Once you complete it, you’re done. But a community should offer infinite value through ongoing relationships, evolving content, new challenges, and fresh perspectives.
The communities that master retention create what we call “gravitational pull” where members don’t just participate, they become invested. They form friendships, they become known for their expertise, they start helping newcomers. The community becomes part of their identity, not just another subscription.
The Trend
After reviewing hundreds of failed communities, we’ve identified the most common mistakes:
They confuse activity with engagement. Just because people are posting doesn’t mean they’re getting value. Real engagement happens when members are genuinely helping each other, sharing vulnerabilities, celebrating wins together, and building relationships that extend beyond the platform.
They focus on features instead of feelings. Too many founders get caught up in which platform to use, what features to enable, or how to organize channels. But members don’t care about your tech stack, they care about how being in your community makes them feel and what it helps them accomplish.
They don’t have a clear success metric. How do you know if your community is working? Is it member count? Daily active users? Revenue generated? Without clear metrics tied to actual transformation, you’re flying blind.
They try to be everything to everyone. The most successful communities are laser-focused on a specific type of person facing a specific challenge. When you try to serve everyone, you serve no one particularly well.
Community Foundation
Before you launch anything, work through these questions:
- Distribution: Who exactly is your ideal member, and where do they currently spend their time online? What’s your specific plan to reach them consistently over the next six months?
- Transformation: What’s the specific change or outcome your members will experience? How will you measure whether this transformation is actually happening? What does success look like for a member after 30 days, 90 days, and one year?
- Retention: What ongoing value will keep people engaged month after month? How will you foster genuine connections between members? What role will you play as the community grows and evolves?
Why communities succeed
Building a thriving online community isn’t about having the most polished platform or the most brilliant content. It’s about understanding that behind every username is a real person looking for connection, growth, and belonging. The communities that succeed are the ones that nail all three pillars, and here’s what most people miss: these pillars work together. Your distribution strategy should attract the right people who are hungry for the transformation you offer. Your transformation should be so valuable that retention becomes natural. And your retention mechanisms should turn members into your best advocates, creating organic distribution.
Here’s the most valuable lessons I’ve had to learn the hard way:
- Start with transformation first – Define what change people will experience before you worry about marketing
- Distribution without purpose is just noise – Only attract people who actually need what you’re offering
- Retention isn’t automatic – Build ongoing value and real connections that make people want to stay
- All three pillars must work together – Weakness in one will undermine the others
- Do the foundational work first – Most communities fail because founders skip straight to launch without planning
- Focus on people, not platforms – The technology matters less than understanding human psychology and needs
- Measure transformation, not just activity – Track whether members are actually changing, not just participating
- Be specific about who you serve – The most successful communities have laser focus on their ideal member
At ProveWorth, we’ve seen communities transform businesses, careers, and lives when they get this right. The difference between a ghost town and a thriving community often comes down to whether the founder took the time to build on solid ground.
If you’d like help finding your next life changing community, fill out the form on proveworth.com and we’d be happy to help!